Tuesday

It was one of those times when I almost didn't go because I wanted more sleep. Like many times before I learned really quick exactly why I was meant to be there.

Tuesday night I went to the monthly spiritual study at HIC. It was one of those things that I didn't really learn anything new but what I heard made some things fall and click into place. Experiences and feelings I had were validated. Who would have thought that a study about spacial beings would help with my sacral chakra assignment? Well, it did!

Blown away

Growing up I was frequently told I wasn't wanted wherever I was. The only time many people were happy to see me was when I was going to do something that benefited them. So I learned to do stuff for people so they would like me. This has continued on into my adult life. But, things are starting to change. This past year or so I've had more and more experiences where people have been happy to see me just because I am me. When this happens it still blows me away. Yesterday at work was genuinely bummed out that I wasn't sitting in my usual spot because she wanted to talk to me. Then when I went back in for a short shift someone else asked me to move my spot because she wanted me to sit by her. We were scheduled to get off at the same time but I was stuck on a call, and she still waited for me so we could walk out together. This made me feel so good. These small gestures may seem insignificant but they meant the world to me. Never underestimate the power of a kind word or deed however small it may be because it can make a difference in someone's life.

Uncle Bill

Tonight I went to my Uncle Bill's memorial service. I feel like I've missed out on knowing a really awesome person. I have always admired him for being a free spirit and following his bliss. I won't go into the story but because of family politics I never really got to know him.

Before my first memories of him he was an alcoholic. Through the help of AA he became sober. Many people didn't know how many people he "sponsored" through AA, but his true involvement was not really known until his death. He was a hero to many and many of those people stood up at his funeral and say how he saved their life. They spoke of his quiet and gentle love. He was all about love. He loved Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. I love that book too!!

I'm sorry I didn't really get to know you Uncle Bill! I pray you will help guide me on my return to love.

Spirit didn't let up much

Well, Spirit eased up on the rolling me over, for a bit... I just got a BIG HUGE wake up call from the Holy Spirit. I was really struggling with a few issues and what did I do to help quiet them down? Yup, my old standby of fast food. In the last leadership class we wrote down what our addictions and hinderances were to becoming spiritual leaders. Guess what I wrote down? My addiction to fast food. You know the saying "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." Well, I got what I wished for, just not in the way I wanted it. I won't be eating fast food for a LONG LONG time, because I am broker than broke.

I'm a little ticked at myself for letting this happen, again. But this time I'm choosing to frame it in a different context. I know in my soul I needed this to happen this way. I was getting to a spot where I was getting too comfortable and I needed to be shaken up. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to wake up from the dream, I'm there. This is my rock bottom.

I can't live the lies anymore, I need to speak my truth, I need to live my truth. I need to be ME not what other people tell me I need to be. Yes this is going to be hard, but I've got a great group of people around me that will hold me accountable and help me pick up the pieces and rebuild something even more beautiful.

Stop it!!!

Another leadership class is over with. I've been given an assignment that is REALLY challenging me, and I've only just started thinking about it. Our class song is "Roll Me Over Spirit" (see a few posts below to read the full lyrics), and I really need to stop singing this song over and over again in my head because Spirit is really rolling me over, mixing me up, and shaking me to my core with this assignmnet.

peace

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Maybe it's a good thing

At work most websites are blocked, which is understandable. But you can get into cosmo.com but not cnn.com and you can get into comedycentral.com but not wcco.com. Strange, I know. The worst of it all is I can't get into craftster.org. It's a crafting website, it's not like it's cosmo talking about sex positions. I guess it could be a good thing. I just checked my e-mail and found I had 2 pm's on craftster but I can't read them. I have to wait until I get home, the injustice of it all. It's probably a good thing because I would probably be drooling all over the desk.

But I have discovered I can view the thumbnail pictures on google. I've gotten som really good ideas for some quilts. My list of quilting projects is getting huge, but I am going to solve that by making many of them wallhanging size. I have a whole series I want to create based on optical illusions. I want to exibit them at one of the local coffee shops or even the local art gallery. Doing the wallhanging size also saves money, not as much fabric but I still get the satisfaction of making something.

how true, but exactly one week late

every once in a while I take a peak at my horoscope. Yesterday I checked it on msn.com and this is what it said:

"Your Horoscope - Today, June 27, 2008
Some new spiritual concepts may be presented to you today and you might find them interesting enough to embark upon an intense study. Books could be brought to your attention, and you might want to take a class or attend some lectures, or both. Friends may join you in your new enterprise. This should be stimulating and enjoyable. The only downside: too much information may be hitting you at once. Make sure you take adequate notes."

This would have been perfect, LAST Friday, as it was the day my leadership class started. I was at a local coffee shop last night and showed this to a friend from the class and she laughed.

What brings you helium?

No I'm not talking about the gas they put in balloons. I'm talking about a feeling. What fills you up and gives you that floaty feeling?

During this next month one of my homework assignments is to keep a journal of the things that give me helium.

This is what I have so far:

*getting/giving hugs from the people who mean so much to me
*hashbrowns being just right at McDonald's
*all the glorious colors of fabric sitting on the dining room table
*walking into the quilt shop and seeing all the fabulous bolts of fabric
*being able to listen to just about any music I want on Rhapsody (well worth the monthly fee!!)
*seeing children playing and just being
*Katie and Lucy (the cats) greeting me at the door in the morning begging to be fed
*being able to help a customer at work with a difficult situation and having everything turn out better than we thought
*going to bed after a challenging night at work
*going out to lunch with my best friend and her paying
*brainstorming about why a new stove doesn't work then helping to fix it (it does help if the gas line is turned on)
*getting a way cool ATC in the mail from a craftster swap
*getting an envelope full of 1.5 inch fabric squares from a craftster swap
*waking up to the sounds of a steady rain hitting my window
*the sound of thunder
*watching a little girl trying to bite into a sandwich that is way bigger than her mouth
*the smell outside after the rain stops
*a long hot shower
*clothes right out of the dryer
*seeing an elderly man who was so cute and exuded pure love and light
*feeling the softness of my skin
*the smell of clean clothes right out of the dryer

The future me

Last night I went to a spiritual book study. At the end we listened to a meditation that I had listened to at the leadership class on Saturday (but I slept through most of it). I won't explain much of it because as of now, I don't really understand it all. During one part it asked us to imagine ourselves 6 months from now. I'm not one who usually sees pictures with these sort of things but this time I did. I saw a picture of me weighing about 50 pounds (or more) less than I do now. I'll take it!!!!!!!

Roll Me Over Spirit

Umm yeah, it's been a while since I've updated.... Life happens..

I'm now in the leadership program at Hope Interfaith Center. In June 2009 I will become an ordained interfaith minister.

Because I love my lyrics to songs I think it would be fitting to start off with the lyrics to our class song. The tune resembles an old spiritual.

Roll me over Spirit
Take me away
Roll me over Spirit
Take me away
Open my mind
Open my eyes
open my heart to the
Me Inside

Down through my body
All around my soul
Spirit, Spirit
Make me whole
I wanna be flowing
I wanna be free
I wanna be living
The truth of me!

ummm, oppps

I guess I have not updated this in a while. I promise, an update is coming soon!!

HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made it!!! I'm HOME!

I had wonderful weather to start the journey home. For the first 6 hours or so it was near 70 degrees. I thanked Spirit for the warm sun while I had the windows down and the sun shining on my face. When I hit the middle of Ohio it started raining and I drove through the rain until I got through Chicago. I'm not a fan of driving at night but add semi trucks and rain to the mix and you have my personal version of hell. But obviously I made it through.

I had several things happen on the trip which let me know the guardians and angels, I asked to surround me, were there. I was not expecting the tolls to be so much so I needed to get more cash. All the ATMs I saw at the rest stops were from banks I've never heard of and you know what that means, huge fees from them and from my bank. So, I put out to the universe that I needed a Bank of America ATM. I pulled into the last gas station/rest stop area on the Ohio turnpike (btw, the rest stops on the Ohio Turnpike are the best I've ever stopped at) and what do I find, a Bank of America ATM. Earlier I needed a break from the rain as I was tired of the spray from the semis speeding past and blinding me. I was so tensed up and I said "I really need a break from this for a few miles." Guess what happened, shortly after I said that there was no rain for 10 min or so. This repeated itself a few times.

The point of this whole year was about a spiritual journey/adventure so I decided to take a little detour as I was driving past LaCrosse, Wisconsin. I saw a sign for a shrine for Our Lady of Guadalupe. I was in no real hurry so I followed the sign. I had no idea it was so far off the road I was driving on, which was probably a good thing. As I was driving through the streets of LaCrosse there were a few times I wondered if I missed a sign telling me to turn because it felt like I had been driving a longer time than necessary. So, I told myself if I didn't see a sign by X time then I would turn around. EVERY SINGLE time I did that I saw a sign before my specified time. I finally arrived and found a very nice little complex dedicated to Our Lady of Guadalupe. I browsed the giftshop, purchased a postcard (lighting for the statue was bad at the time so I couldn't take a picture), and went to see the chapel. As I entered in I discovered a mass was about to start (more perfect timing). Not wanting to be rude and leave I decided to stay. I posted a few days ago about my list of things I want to do this year and guess what was on the list? Attend a Catholic mass!! It was a small intimate service, just the way I like it.

I'm getting tired and I need to do a few things before I go to bed so I am going to sign off for now and write more tomorrow.

On my way

I'm finishing up the last bit of packing then I'll be on my way to MN.

I'm praying that all my guardian angels will surround me everywhere I go.

A last ditch effort

Today was my last day at World Market. While I loved being there I have been ready to move on for a while now. Yesterday the head manager made a last ditch effort to try and get me to stay. He offered me the lead gourmet position which will soon be vacant. I asked him to tell me what I'd be making per hour and his reply was "not enough to keep you here." It was a nice to hear that he was making an effort to keep me, but a person can not live here on $11/hr.

Yesterday I was talking with one of my co-workers about religion. I know it's not normally a suggested work topic but it was relavant to what we had been talking about earlier in the conversation. He has the same feeling as I do on traditional religions/churches, he does not like them at all and has pretty much given up on God because of them. I went on to tell him about the Hope Interfaith Center and he said "I wish there was someplace like that here."

Later on that night I was getting more than a bit aggitated at customers. I kept saying to myself "If they would just open up their eyes....". Then I remembered my spritual teacher, Hope, and what her name stands for, Help Open Planetary Eyes. I then started looking at them in a new perspective. My spiritual eyes became a little more open and I saw them as needing their eyes opened too. It's still a bit jumbled in my mind so forgive me if this sound a bit confusing or odd. I am starting to believe that the condition of a person's spiritual eyes directly affects their outlook and how they physically "see" the world. Some of you may be thinking "But what about people who are blind?" Those who are blind have other ways of "seeing" the world through their other senses. When ones spiritual eyes are out of focus their thoughts and sensory perceptions get so messed up theat they are not able to fully take in the world around them. They don't see as well, they can't smell as much. At times when my "eyes" were closed and I remember not being able to see things that were right in front of my face, I was so distracted by what was going on in my head.

2,008 things in 2008

Loosely inspired by ads for the movie "Bucket List" I am coming up with a list of things to do in 2008. Make that a list of 2,008 things. I purchased a notebook at Target and have close to 60 things on the list already. I have a few criteria for items that are going on the list: 1) I have never done it before and 2) it is not an everyday essential. So far I have things like try sushi and try out for a local play. Most of the things on the list are/will be relatively easy to complete. I'll be reporting on my progress right here on my blog.

I think this is a much better list to make than the traditional New Year's resolutions. So, what's on your list??