Reflections on Omaha

Am I bummed that Omaha didn't work out? Of course but I also think things needed to happen the way they did. I was only there for a few days but I feel like I learned what I needed to and moved on.

I learned what it was like to be totally by myself with no one there to fall back on. I learned I have what I need to make it but it's better to have that community around you. It's like the toothpick object lesson Hope has doen several times. When alone an toothpick is easily broken. When it is with three or four others it's harder to break. But when you put a whole big bunch together it's very hard to break any of them. In Omaha I felt like that solitary toothpick; I got broken into pieces and could still function, but not as well as I do when I have a community around me. I had no sense of purpose there.

Nights were the most difficult time for me. I was tired and I drove all around Omaha trying to find something. I don't know what that something was because I never found it. Each night I went into a full-blown cry fest and at times yelled, screamed, and pounded my fists. I'm not quite sure why but I know I needed to do it. For the vast majority of my life I've not allowed myself to just cry if I need too. I think the purpose of me going to Omaha was to force me to take that bullet full-on (thanks Hope for the illustration), to break down more of my defenses, to learn how to feel more.

I'm looking forward to what Louisville has to offer. It's been great so far!

Angels

Tuesday evening I was sitting in Boarders in Omaha and was reading a book about angel healing. I think it was by Doreen Virtue. I have been doing a lot of reading about various healing techniques and I now am finding myself really drawn to angel healing. I am interested in other things but really feel drawn to angels. After my experience of using Reiki and calling upon Raphael to help with my Jeep I had tangible evidence this is a direction I need to go. I'll be exploring this much more in the coming months.

Another thing I've experienced on this trip is thoughts which are not my own. It's hard to explain but I'll try. It's like I hear a voice in my head but it has my voice but I know what I am hearing is from someone/something else. This is something else I would like to explore more.

I've got a whole other post brewing in my head so I'm off to go type it before the profound thoughts disappear.

Where is she now?

Well, the Goddess On Wheels has moved on from Omaha. I am now in Louisville, KY. I had an offer to come stay at Aalia's house so I took her up on it and here I am. I got the offer around ll:15am yesterday and left Omaha around 11:45. The only reason it took me that long was because I had to look up directions and write them down. I had nothing to pack since all of it was in my Jeep. With all the necessary stops the whole trip took me just under 12 hours. Nothing too exciting happened. A few miles after I got out of St. Louis I saw a sign saying Louisville was 250 miles away. So I go to set my odometer and I saw a light blinking that said "Check the guages" and I find the oil gauge is doing something funny. It quickly returned back to normal but was still moving around some. I just happened to be driving past one of those strip of car dealers so I pulled in figuring there had to be a mechanic around there somewhere who could at least check it out. I pulled in and found a Jeep dealer. I walked in and quickly figured out there was no mechanic but there were two very nice men who asked me a few questions and quickly determined there was nothing really wrong. The only thing they warned me about was if the check engine light came on and then I was supposed to pull over right away. Well, duh, I would have pulled over anyhow if they had not said that but thanks for the adivice. I was counting my blessings that it was nothing serious and I had AAA. As I got back on the road the gauge was still acting a little funny and was still making me uneasy. So I did what any good Reiki person would do; I did Reiki on Jeep and asked Archangel Raphael to help heal it. Guess what, it stabilized and didn't move much for the next couple of hours. It started moving around more about an hour away from my destination so I did some more Reiki and again it stabilized. I don't care what people say, Reiki helped my Jeep.

ok, what do I do now

I feel like I've screwed myself by working in the medical field my entire working career after high school. I'm having a VERY hard time finding a job. I was told I don't have the right work experience to get an entry level customer service job. WHAT???? I don't get it. So where do I go from here?

Last night I did meet a few really nice people at a metaphysical store. One was a military guy who grew up in Georgia playing games with the roaches in his house, he was hilarious. The two others were the two women working there. They were not your typical older semi-retired women who I usually see working in these types of stores. They were my age, very knowledgeable, and genuinely sweet. Something that impressed me about the store was their book section. They had books from all the religious traditions. Everything from Wicca to a King James Version Bible.

I don't know when I'll be updating again. I need to find some place to go for the next stop on my journey. I pick Omaha as a starting point, it just happened to be a shorter stay than I had imagined.

Cellphone charger: don't leave home without it

I can't find my cellphone charger and my phone battery is almost dead. This is not a good thing when you are searching for a job. I turn my phone on every half-hour to an hour to see if anyone has called then turn it off. I've heard of people using reiki to recharge their phones, I'll be giving it a shot later tonight. I'll need it because my mom will probably be calling me. I think have to break down and buy a new one if I can, my phone is over a year old and therefore is ancient technology.

2nd night it Omaha

I REALLY REALLY REALLY could use a hug right now. It was a rough night for me, not much sleep. More thoughts along the line of "what the hell am I doing here". I drove around till 2:30am and finally got to sleep around 3:30am and woke up at 7. I really need a place to lay my head at night that does not cost $60/night or is hot and humid like my jeep.

I don't have a job yet. The two temp agencies I went to yesterday were ummm, interesting. They gave me the creeps. I don't know what it is about them but my gut says stay away from them. I'm waiting for a call from another agency in a nicer part of town, I submitted my application on-line and called them this morning to confirm they received it. I should be hearing from them this afternoon.

It's amazing what a few hours of sleep will do

I got about 6 hours of solid sleep. I have a fresh perspective and a plan of attack for today. I am going to at least 2 temp agencies this morning. I've already got directions (wireless internet is an awesome thing). I worked with Labor Ready in Mankato so I picked them and another place I saw an ad in the paper for. When I looked up Labor Ready in the yellow pages they have 2 locations listed so I just picked one. I looked at the ad for the one in the paper and guess what, it's just down the street from the Labor Ready location I picked. Awesome! The less driving I have to do in an unfamiliar city, the better.

I've arrived in Omaha

I stayed at HIC Friday and Saturday night. It was so refreshing for me; body, mind, and spirit. I do have to admit it was hard for me to leave there because HIC has been such a special place for me. After I dropped the key in the mail slot I went and had breakfast with Amy, she is another one of those people who have touched my life very deeply. She gave me a crystal pendant to hang on my mirror. As I drove all those hours I had little rainbows all over my Jeep (at least while the sun was out). I quickly stopped at Dunn Brothers to connect to their wi-fi so I could get directions to pick up my sister-in-law. I was turning the key to start my Jeep and leave town BUT I saw someone out of the corner of my eye. Could it be? Why yes it was! It was Paul and Janice (Hope) Gorman. I took out the key and walked up to them for one last hug before I left.

On my way to pick up my sister-in-law I called my mom and told her I was driving to Omaha after we had lunch. She does not understand why I'm here with so much uncertainty. She is having a hard time with it, uncertainty is not her style, she likes to have everything in place.

The drive was uneventful. I saw something very strange in Iowa; a white stretch limo driving down the road in the middle of nowhere, nothing but farm fields for miles and miles around. Not that a farmer couldn't ride in a limo, it's just a little weird to see a limo in a remote area. A few miles before I got to Omaha I needed gas but it happened to be one of those stretches of road where there isn't any gas stations nearby. I finally found a sign for one so I pulled off and had to cross a narrow bridge and turn into a gravel driveway to get into the gas station. the location was a little creapy so I just put in $10 and hightailed it out of there after two guys pulled in. I've learned to trust my gut and my gut said pump $10 and leave, so I did.

When I got to Omaha I was overwhelmed. I had NO clue as to where to go or what to do next. I drove around for a while and found a Wal-Mart; it was something familiar and it helped ground me. While I was walking around I found a map of Omaha and the surrounding areas. At least I won't be so lost. I broke down and let the tears some several times already. What am I doing here? Why did I ever think this would work? I'm freaking crazy! These are all thoughts that were running through my head. I was hot and sticky from the humidity so I decided to find a hotel room for the night. So, that's where I am right now at 2am. They have a strong wi-fi signal here. In the morning I am going to google and mapquest my heart out. The signal is so strong inside I think I should be able to get it in the parking lot too. I am going to get directions to the Unity church, and several temp agencies. I really want to go to the church and connect with someone there. I need that connection, I need someone around me who will understand what it is I'm trying to do.

I need to get some sleep. I plan on checking out of here at the last possible min. I need my sleep.

Thankfully I had the money (update added at end of post)

Yesterday I called a mechanic and scheduled my Jeep for an oil change and overall inspection before I hit the road. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I took it in. I thought something was funny when I had to add coolant last January and again today. I saw steam a few times but didn't think anything of it because it didn't happen on a consistent basis. Put two and two together and you need a new radiator. One of the CV joint boots also had a hole in it and my transmission fluid needed to be flushed. So almost $1000 later I'll be set to go. I'm thankful I had the money and I didn't break down in the middle of no where.

Saturday morning update:

the final cost was $966. For a few weeks now I've always had the number $1,000 to get my Jeep ready for the road. They were not sure if they were going to be able to get it all done Friday but they called me at 3:40pm to tell me they were finished. I found a new mechanic. I will always take my vehicles to Austin's Auto Repair in North Mankato as long as I am in the Mankato area.

An Inconvenient Truth

Tonight I saw Al Gore's movie, An Inconvenient Truth, for the first time. I was moved. I had absolutly no idea how important polar ice caps were to the planet as a whole. Some people doubt the connection between the increase in CO2 and a rise in temperature. But as someone so wisely brought up tonight, forget the whole global warming issue and focus on the fact there is only a finite amount of coal and natural gas on this planet. We need to conserve energy now so it is available for future generations and even ourselves when we get older. Someone doubted if what they were doing by themselves was effective. Once again I was reminded of a song I've heard named The Power of One from the Evan Almighty soundtrack. It highlighted several people who made a difference by doing something they may have deemed insignificant. What if Rosa Parks had moved to the back of the bus? I encourage everyone to keep doing the things they deem insignificant to help the environment. Someone else may see you buying those compact lightbulbs and think "I should get some of those". Someone may see you using your recycled grocery bag and be moved to reuse their bags and they in turn will inspire someone else to do the same, and on goes the ripple effect and it all started with ONE.

Impermanent Things-more song lyrics and thoughts

What can I say, I love song lyrics. I've been thinking a lot about stuff and what physical objects are really necessary in my life. As I am packing everything up for my journey I find I need a lot less than what I started out thinking I needed. My goal for tomorrow (well actually today) is to see if I can get everything I need into the two wheeled duffel bags, one backpack, a small crate and cooler to hold food and bedding. I was inspired in this line of thinking by a Dr. Wayne Dyer PBS special I saw Saturday night. It was based off the Tao Te Ching, which I have been reading off and on. During the show he talked about getting rid of all his stuff from his condo/office on Maui; he got rid of EVERYTHING and never looked back. So that started me thinking about what would happen if I got rid of everything. I'm not going to get rid of everything in my storage locker just yet, but I am, in a sense getting rid of everything and starting a new life. So, I think I am going to take minimal supplies and clothes and then buy only what is absolutly necessary along the way.

Now for the song lyrics which inspired me to write this post in the first place. Just a few min. ago, while playing an online game, a song popped into my head. The song is Impermanent Things by Peter Himmelman. I love his music because his lyrics are usually very deep and thought provoking. Here are the lyrics:

Impermanent Things
From the album From Strength to Strength (1991)

All these impermanent things
Oh how they fool me
Dominate and rule me
They keep me waiting here forever
All these impermanent things
Well their beauty's never aging
But their worthlessness's enraging
You know we all stand alone when we're together

Why keep hanging on
To things that never stay
Things that just keep stringin' us along
From day to day

All these impermanent things
Present yet elusive
Passive yet abusive
Tearing out the heart in utter silence
All these impermanent things
Well they point in all directions
Like secondhand reflections
And they're leading us to subtle shades of violence

Why keep hanging on
To things that never stay
Things that just keep stringin' us along
From day to day

All these impermanent things
Well they're trying to convince me
Baptize my soul and rinse me
Purge my mind of honesty and fire
All these impermanent things
Well they all add up to zero
They make-believe that they're my hero
Then they fill my mind with doubt and false desires

Why keep hanging on
To things that never stay
Things that just keep stringin' us along
From day to day

One Girl Revolution

I'm trying to find out how to put this song in the background of my blog. But for now I'll just post the lyrics. I think this fits me perfectly. (of course I don't carry a rifle)

I wear a disguise
I'm just your average jane
The super doesn't stand for model
But that doesn't mean I'm plain
If all you see is how I look
You miss the superchick within
And I christen you titanic underestimate and swim
I've got the rifle gonna be myself

(CHORUS)
And I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world

Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone...

8/16/2007

I was going to work on my storage locker today but plans changed when I got a phone call at 8am. It was Labor Ready and they asked me if I wanted to work today. Sure, why not. The pay was not the best but it was money and I got cash today. All day I assembled various computer circuit boards. You know all those little pieces you see if you look at a mother board or something similar? I was putting those little pieces into the boards. It gives me a whole new appreciation for the work that goes into those things. I was asked to come back tomorrow and I get to bring my mp3 player with me. Since the work is pretty mind numbing I had plenty of time to think today and tomorrow I get to listen to "The Secret" and the session I had with Hope on Tuesday (I ripped it from the CD and burned to my mp3 player). Getting paid to listen to the stuff I would listen to anyhow during the day; now that's what I call the good life.

All I can say is WOW!!!!

Today I had the wonderful pleasure of being able to have a session with Hope. WOW WOW WOW!!! There were things she told me that she could not have possibly known. I have more confirmation that I am doing the right thing. After I make plans my mind tends to blow things out of proportion, but this time it felt different, like it was coming from my heart not from my head. Today I got my confirmation this was from my heart.

I will be coming back but it will be hard to leave for a year. I've finally found this great group of people who have helped me become a much better person. I hope during this next year to grow and bring some of it back with me to carry into the leadership training next year and for the rest of my life.

It's so good to be home

I know many people who are reading this (if you have been reading please leave a comment so I know you were here, click on the little envelope at the end of the post) have heard me say this before, but I am so glad I'm home. Home for me is being surrounded by people who get me, and I get them.

Wednesday morning I went to HIC and saw dearest Penny and got a great big hug. I knew everything was going to be ok again. As I was meditating all the physical issues I was having as a result of the traveling went away. I felt whole again after I left there, a feeling I missed for the previous two weeks.

I went to visit with Hope and Penny Thursday afternoon. Joni happened to be there too. It's always good to see her, she was the first person to greet me the first time I attended a Spiritual Service. Anytime I see any of the people from HIC is a good time. The energy that comes from everyone is so uplifting.

Today was a little bittersweet when I went to the Spiritual Service, I won't be there for a few months. I love being around everybody! The hugs are great and the energy level is out of this world!! After the service several of us went to Pub 500 and today I learned about colors and the 7 rays and ascended masters from one of the women who is in the current leadership class. I was very interested in what she was saying because I have been reading about colors and auras all weekend. After I'm done with this I am going to do some more Googling on the topic.

What color is your inner aura?

Your Inner Color is Purple

Your Personality: You're a dreamer and visionary. You believe you were put on this earth to do something great. You in Love: You're very passionate but often too busy for love. You need a partner who sees your vision and adopts it as their own. Your Career: You need a job that helps you make a difference. You have a bright future as a guru, politician, teacher, or musician.

What's Your Inner Color?

Back from Ukraine

I'm back home. I got back home Tuesday evening around 9pm. The flights were good, I didn't sleep on the plane, airline food is not the best, airport security was tight... you know, all the normal travel stuff, blah blah blah blah..... Who really cares about that stuff anyhow? I am convinced that the people who ask just those types of questions really don't care, they are just asking to seem like they are interested.

Some people may have called my trip a disaster or a waste of money, but I think it was exactly what I needed. For the past year or so my views on the world and organized religion have been changing. I needed this trip to know for sure what I do and don't want in my life. I have decided I can not be affiliated with the Baptist church. I'm not saying all Baptists are bad, I've met some very good ones but I can no longer be a part of the church as a whole. I feel I can be a better agent for change in the world by being someplace else. I won't go into details because what purpose would that serve? I believe change will happen by understanding people where they are at, not requiring that people "repent" and come up to your level. Jesus was a wonderful example. Didn't he/she come down here to become one of us? For a very long time I've felt that most churches have missed the boat on the whole Jesus thing. Jesus came to be an example for us and much of the behavior I have witnessed in the "church" has not been Jesus like. Since I was a young child I knew something was not right and now I finally have the courage to stand on my own two feet and use my God given brain to think for myself. I've never been happier and full of true joy since I started on this path. I know certain people will not like it but it's my life.

I could go on and on and make this a huge tirade against the church, but instead of getting angry and getting other people angry I need to figure out what my next step is to help solve the problem.