Reflections on Omaha

Am I bummed that Omaha didn't work out? Of course but I also think things needed to happen the way they did. I was only there for a few days but I feel like I learned what I needed to and moved on.

I learned what it was like to be totally by myself with no one there to fall back on. I learned I have what I need to make it but it's better to have that community around you. It's like the toothpick object lesson Hope has doen several times. When alone an toothpick is easily broken. When it is with three or four others it's harder to break. But when you put a whole big bunch together it's very hard to break any of them. In Omaha I felt like that solitary toothpick; I got broken into pieces and could still function, but not as well as I do when I have a community around me. I had no sense of purpose there.

Nights were the most difficult time for me. I was tired and I drove all around Omaha trying to find something. I don't know what that something was because I never found it. Each night I went into a full-blown cry fest and at times yelled, screamed, and pounded my fists. I'm not quite sure why but I know I needed to do it. For the vast majority of my life I've not allowed myself to just cry if I need too. I think the purpose of me going to Omaha was to force me to take that bullet full-on (thanks Hope for the illustration), to break down more of my defenses, to learn how to feel more.

I'm looking forward to what Louisville has to offer. It's been great so far!