Tuesday

It was one of those times when I almost didn't go because I wanted more sleep. Like many times before I learned really quick exactly why I was meant to be there.

Tuesday night I went to the monthly spiritual study at HIC. It was one of those things that I didn't really learn anything new but what I heard made some things fall and click into place. Experiences and feelings I had were validated. Who would have thought that a study about spacial beings would help with my sacral chakra assignment? Well, it did!

Blown away

Growing up I was frequently told I wasn't wanted wherever I was. The only time many people were happy to see me was when I was going to do something that benefited them. So I learned to do stuff for people so they would like me. This has continued on into my adult life. But, things are starting to change. This past year or so I've had more and more experiences where people have been happy to see me just because I am me. When this happens it still blows me away. Yesterday at work was genuinely bummed out that I wasn't sitting in my usual spot because she wanted to talk to me. Then when I went back in for a short shift someone else asked me to move my spot because she wanted me to sit by her. We were scheduled to get off at the same time but I was stuck on a call, and she still waited for me so we could walk out together. This made me feel so good. These small gestures may seem insignificant but they meant the world to me. Never underestimate the power of a kind word or deed however small it may be because it can make a difference in someone's life.

Uncle Bill

Tonight I went to my Uncle Bill's memorial service. I feel like I've missed out on knowing a really awesome person. I have always admired him for being a free spirit and following his bliss. I won't go into the story but because of family politics I never really got to know him.

Before my first memories of him he was an alcoholic. Through the help of AA he became sober. Many people didn't know how many people he "sponsored" through AA, but his true involvement was not really known until his death. He was a hero to many and many of those people stood up at his funeral and say how he saved their life. They spoke of his quiet and gentle love. He was all about love. He loved Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. I love that book too!!

I'm sorry I didn't really get to know you Uncle Bill! I pray you will help guide me on my return to love.

Spirit didn't let up much

Well, Spirit eased up on the rolling me over, for a bit... I just got a BIG HUGE wake up call from the Holy Spirit. I was really struggling with a few issues and what did I do to help quiet them down? Yup, my old standby of fast food. In the last leadership class we wrote down what our addictions and hinderances were to becoming spiritual leaders. Guess what I wrote down? My addiction to fast food. You know the saying "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." Well, I got what I wished for, just not in the way I wanted it. I won't be eating fast food for a LONG LONG time, because I am broker than broke.

I'm a little ticked at myself for letting this happen, again. But this time I'm choosing to frame it in a different context. I know in my soul I needed this to happen this way. I was getting to a spot where I was getting too comfortable and I needed to be shaken up. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to wake up from the dream, I'm there. This is my rock bottom.

I can't live the lies anymore, I need to speak my truth, I need to live my truth. I need to be ME not what other people tell me I need to be. Yes this is going to be hard, but I've got a great group of people around me that will hold me accountable and help me pick up the pieces and rebuild something even more beautiful.

Stop it!!!

Another leadership class is over with. I've been given an assignment that is REALLY challenging me, and I've only just started thinking about it. Our class song is "Roll Me Over Spirit" (see a few posts below to read the full lyrics), and I really need to stop singing this song over and over again in my head because Spirit is really rolling me over, mixing me up, and shaking me to my core with this assignmnet.

peace

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Maybe it's a good thing

At work most websites are blocked, which is understandable. But you can get into cosmo.com but not cnn.com and you can get into comedycentral.com but not wcco.com. Strange, I know. The worst of it all is I can't get into craftster.org. It's a crafting website, it's not like it's cosmo talking about sex positions. I guess it could be a good thing. I just checked my e-mail and found I had 2 pm's on craftster but I can't read them. I have to wait until I get home, the injustice of it all. It's probably a good thing because I would probably be drooling all over the desk.

But I have discovered I can view the thumbnail pictures on google. I've gotten som really good ideas for some quilts. My list of quilting projects is getting huge, but I am going to solve that by making many of them wallhanging size. I have a whole series I want to create based on optical illusions. I want to exibit them at one of the local coffee shops or even the local art gallery. Doing the wallhanging size also saves money, not as much fabric but I still get the satisfaction of making something.

how true, but exactly one week late

every once in a while I take a peak at my horoscope. Yesterday I checked it on msn.com and this is what it said:

"Your Horoscope - Today, June 27, 2008
Some new spiritual concepts may be presented to you today and you might find them interesting enough to embark upon an intense study. Books could be brought to your attention, and you might want to take a class or attend some lectures, or both. Friends may join you in your new enterprise. This should be stimulating and enjoyable. The only downside: too much information may be hitting you at once. Make sure you take adequate notes."

This would have been perfect, LAST Friday, as it was the day my leadership class started. I was at a local coffee shop last night and showed this to a friend from the class and she laughed.

What brings you helium?

No I'm not talking about the gas they put in balloons. I'm talking about a feeling. What fills you up and gives you that floaty feeling?

During this next month one of my homework assignments is to keep a journal of the things that give me helium.

This is what I have so far:

*getting/giving hugs from the people who mean so much to me
*hashbrowns being just right at McDonald's
*all the glorious colors of fabric sitting on the dining room table
*walking into the quilt shop and seeing all the fabulous bolts of fabric
*being able to listen to just about any music I want on Rhapsody (well worth the monthly fee!!)
*seeing children playing and just being
*Katie and Lucy (the cats) greeting me at the door in the morning begging to be fed
*being able to help a customer at work with a difficult situation and having everything turn out better than we thought
*going to bed after a challenging night at work
*going out to lunch with my best friend and her paying
*brainstorming about why a new stove doesn't work then helping to fix it (it does help if the gas line is turned on)
*getting a way cool ATC in the mail from a craftster swap
*getting an envelope full of 1.5 inch fabric squares from a craftster swap
*waking up to the sounds of a steady rain hitting my window
*the sound of thunder
*watching a little girl trying to bite into a sandwich that is way bigger than her mouth
*the smell outside after the rain stops
*a long hot shower
*clothes right out of the dryer
*seeing an elderly man who was so cute and exuded pure love and light
*feeling the softness of my skin
*the smell of clean clothes right out of the dryer

The future me

Last night I went to a spiritual book study. At the end we listened to a meditation that I had listened to at the leadership class on Saturday (but I slept through most of it). I won't explain much of it because as of now, I don't really understand it all. During one part it asked us to imagine ourselves 6 months from now. I'm not one who usually sees pictures with these sort of things but this time I did. I saw a picture of me weighing about 50 pounds (or more) less than I do now. I'll take it!!!!!!!

Roll Me Over Spirit

Umm yeah, it's been a while since I've updated.... Life happens..

I'm now in the leadership program at Hope Interfaith Center. In June 2009 I will become an ordained interfaith minister.

Because I love my lyrics to songs I think it would be fitting to start off with the lyrics to our class song. The tune resembles an old spiritual.

Roll me over Spirit
Take me away
Roll me over Spirit
Take me away
Open my mind
Open my eyes
open my heart to the
Me Inside

Down through my body
All around my soul
Spirit, Spirit
Make me whole
I wanna be flowing
I wanna be free
I wanna be living
The truth of me!

ummm, oppps

I guess I have not updated this in a while. I promise, an update is coming soon!!

HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made it!!! I'm HOME!

I had wonderful weather to start the journey home. For the first 6 hours or so it was near 70 degrees. I thanked Spirit for the warm sun while I had the windows down and the sun shining on my face. When I hit the middle of Ohio it started raining and I drove through the rain until I got through Chicago. I'm not a fan of driving at night but add semi trucks and rain to the mix and you have my personal version of hell. But obviously I made it through.

I had several things happen on the trip which let me know the guardians and angels, I asked to surround me, were there. I was not expecting the tolls to be so much so I needed to get more cash. All the ATMs I saw at the rest stops were from banks I've never heard of and you know what that means, huge fees from them and from my bank. So, I put out to the universe that I needed a Bank of America ATM. I pulled into the last gas station/rest stop area on the Ohio turnpike (btw, the rest stops on the Ohio Turnpike are the best I've ever stopped at) and what do I find, a Bank of America ATM. Earlier I needed a break from the rain as I was tired of the spray from the semis speeding past and blinding me. I was so tensed up and I said "I really need a break from this for a few miles." Guess what happened, shortly after I said that there was no rain for 10 min or so. This repeated itself a few times.

The point of this whole year was about a spiritual journey/adventure so I decided to take a little detour as I was driving past LaCrosse, Wisconsin. I saw a sign for a shrine for Our Lady of Guadalupe. I was in no real hurry so I followed the sign. I had no idea it was so far off the road I was driving on, which was probably a good thing. As I was driving through the streets of LaCrosse there were a few times I wondered if I missed a sign telling me to turn because it felt like I had been driving a longer time than necessary. So, I told myself if I didn't see a sign by X time then I would turn around. EVERY SINGLE time I did that I saw a sign before my specified time. I finally arrived and found a very nice little complex dedicated to Our Lady of Guadalupe. I browsed the giftshop, purchased a postcard (lighting for the statue was bad at the time so I couldn't take a picture), and went to see the chapel. As I entered in I discovered a mass was about to start (more perfect timing). Not wanting to be rude and leave I decided to stay. I posted a few days ago about my list of things I want to do this year and guess what was on the list? Attend a Catholic mass!! It was a small intimate service, just the way I like it.

I'm getting tired and I need to do a few things before I go to bed so I am going to sign off for now and write more tomorrow.

On my way

I'm finishing up the last bit of packing then I'll be on my way to MN.

I'm praying that all my guardian angels will surround me everywhere I go.

A last ditch effort

Today was my last day at World Market. While I loved being there I have been ready to move on for a while now. Yesterday the head manager made a last ditch effort to try and get me to stay. He offered me the lead gourmet position which will soon be vacant. I asked him to tell me what I'd be making per hour and his reply was "not enough to keep you here." It was a nice to hear that he was making an effort to keep me, but a person can not live here on $11/hr.

Yesterday I was talking with one of my co-workers about religion. I know it's not normally a suggested work topic but it was relavant to what we had been talking about earlier in the conversation. He has the same feeling as I do on traditional religions/churches, he does not like them at all and has pretty much given up on God because of them. I went on to tell him about the Hope Interfaith Center and he said "I wish there was someplace like that here."

Later on that night I was getting more than a bit aggitated at customers. I kept saying to myself "If they would just open up their eyes....". Then I remembered my spritual teacher, Hope, and what her name stands for, Help Open Planetary Eyes. I then started looking at them in a new perspective. My spiritual eyes became a little more open and I saw them as needing their eyes opened too. It's still a bit jumbled in my mind so forgive me if this sound a bit confusing or odd. I am starting to believe that the condition of a person's spiritual eyes directly affects their outlook and how they physically "see" the world. Some of you may be thinking "But what about people who are blind?" Those who are blind have other ways of "seeing" the world through their other senses. When ones spiritual eyes are out of focus their thoughts and sensory perceptions get so messed up theat they are not able to fully take in the world around them. They don't see as well, they can't smell as much. At times when my "eyes" were closed and I remember not being able to see things that were right in front of my face, I was so distracted by what was going on in my head.

2,008 things in 2008

Loosely inspired by ads for the movie "Bucket List" I am coming up with a list of things to do in 2008. Make that a list of 2,008 things. I purchased a notebook at Target and have close to 60 things on the list already. I have a few criteria for items that are going on the list: 1) I have never done it before and 2) it is not an everyday essential. So far I have things like try sushi and try out for a local play. Most of the things on the list are/will be relatively easy to complete. I'll be reporting on my progress right here on my blog.

I think this is a much better list to make than the traditional New Year's resolutions. So, what's on your list??

Happy New Year

It's 2008!!!

It's gonna be a great year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More perfect timing

Thursday morning I took my Jeep to the mechanic. After waiting for their Jeep guy to get there to look at it I learned it was going to be more extensive than I had thought. I had them take me home. They called a couple hours later with a quote of almost $900 for the repairs, mostly due to labor costs. OUCH, my portion is $420, the warranty I purchased picked up the rest. I was planning on $100 and I could have stretched things to $200 but $420 was a bit out of my reach until next payday. My gut told me to call my mom. It was the middle of the day in the middle of the week, normally she is at work. BUT, not today, she took the week off. I got her credit card number so the mechanic could get paid. I'm going to pick up my Jeep in the morning. This whole incident would have been a major disaster had it happened any other time. I had a car available to use while my Jeep was out of commission, my mom was home on a day she normally wouldn't be, and the leak was found before I hit the road to drive back to Minnesota.

Talk about timeing, it's time for me to go to bed.

A bright light--heartwarming news story

Imagine this: a 17 year old girl in New York missed a year of school due to severe stomach problems. Most people would be into to the "poor me" state of mind, but not this girl. She saw a need and as a result of her fund-raising efforts a new school has been built in Cambodia. (click on this blog title to read the news story)

I no longer read this type of story and say "good for her" and leave it at that. Instead I ponder about what I can do to change the world. In the 5 minutes since I read the article I have not come up with any grand plans, but I have come up with some interesting questions. Why are kids able to see a problem and find a solution so easily? They seem to not be distracted by all the "what ifs" and red tape. Maybe it has something to do with Jesus' statement in Matthew 18:3 "And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." What is it about children which makes it easier for them to enter the kingdom? Maybe it's because their thinking is not as tainted by the world yet as most adults? Maybe I'm thinking too much about this, maybe I and others just need to do; stop thinking and just do.

iTunes

I've known about iTunes for some time now but have just recently got into it. I LOVE iTUNES!!!! I got a giftcard for Christmas and have downloaded some song on to my laptop. I've subscribed to some podcasts too.

The biggest reason I love iTunes is because it will save me money. Most of the time when I buy a CD it's because of one or two songs, so I end up spending $15 or more when with iTunes I pay $.99 for each song.

I guess there is a feature where you can look up what's on your friends playlists. I'm going to research this (with Google of course) and will report back with what I find.

Another reason to work all the overtime I can

This morning I discovered my Jeep had a fuel leak. It's very small and I can see the spot it's dripping from on the tank. I had a brief freak out (as I tend to do when sudden stressful things happen) but soon after I got a "feeling" that I should check the warranty paperwork I got when I purchased my Jeep. The fuel lines, injector, and tank are all coverd with only a $100 deductible. YEAH!!!! I had $200 come in VERY unexpectedly on Friday so no problem covering it.

The timing of the leak could not have been much better. My brother and sister-in-law are in Minnesota and drove my brothers truck up there so I have my sister-in-laws car to use. If they were here it would not be so easy to drive it.

Someone/something was watching out for me

On my way home from work I learned exactly how long I could drive my Jeep without putting gas in it. I had just turned off of the main road and was just a short distance from home when the engine sputtered and died. I was able to coast through a right turn and a slightly illegal left turn at the entrance of the strip mall and just barely made it to the pump at the gas station. I could have easily run out of gas on the main road but instead I felt like something was pushing me the final hundred yards or so to the gas pump.

What did I get myself into?

We had Christmas a little early and I recieved my favorite things, gift cards to buy books. I have a Barnes and Noble membership and am on the Borders Rewards program. I got discount coupons in my e-mail for both bookstores and went shopping Monday afternoon. I got the following books:

The Science of Oneness by Malcolm Hollick
Findhorn Retreat book/dvd set by Eckhart Tolle
The Disappearance of the Universe by Gary Renard
Divine Intuition by Lynn Robinson
Trust Your Vibes by Sonia Choquette

Now, where do I start?

One down (maybe), one to go. The journey continues

All signs are pointing for me to return back to Mankato and have it be my home base for the rest of my journey.

I think I have found a place to live. It's in an area I like and the people sound sane. I got two responses to an ad I placed and the one sounded promising and my gut (which has never failed me) tells me it's a good place. One the second one my gut told me an immediate NO!

So, now I need a job.

I am going to continue on my journey, it's just taking a different form than I thought. Sometimes you need to get away from everything familiar to learn some things and sometimes you need the support to learn others. I feel like I'm at the point where I need more local support. I also feel like something is about to happen there and I need to be a part of it. What that something is I don't know, but I need to be there. I am looking into retreat centers within a few hours of Mankato to spend some weekends at. If anyone knows of a good one, please let me know.

I'm sorry, I just have to laugh

It's snowing here in Northern Virginia, which is nothing new. There is about 1 inch on the ground and all the schools are closing early. I find it SOOOOOO funny.

Social "norms'

Not too long ago I was criticized for my lack of makeup use and not making my hair all “girly”. My lack of makeup and such has been linked to low self-esteem by the same person. This is one person’s analysis of me and they couldn’t be further from the truth.

So are people going to magically love me more if I wear a little makeup and do my hair all fancy? No, I don’t think so. I never have worn makeup and don’t intend to any time soon. Please don’t take the rest of what I am about to say as judgment of anyone who wears makeup, these are my thoughts as they pertain to me and me only.

I feel like wearing makeup is like wearing a mask. If people love or like me more because I wear makeup I feel they like their feelings are based on false pretenses. I think this is very much an extension of the same line of thinking that wearing white socks with everything is acceptable and red socks are not. When I do wear white socks it’s only because the white socks are closer to the top than the red or purple or green socks. The color of socks I wear or makeup or fancy hair does not define who I am. When I do these things that are against “societal norms“I feel liberated.

As for the lack of makeup being equated with lack of self-esteem… When this “theory” was brought to my attention I got angry and immediately felt defensive, which, for me, is usually a sign that it is true and I don’t want to acknowledge it. I didn’t say anything in response to the “theory” but I did think about it for a while that night. What I know to be true for me is that my lack of makeup is directly liked to my HIGH self-esteem. Why would I want to put something on my face that would detract someone from seeing the natural beauty that radiates from me? When I am truly filled with joy I’ve been told by many people that my eyes sparkle. Why would I want to detract from that? When I have done my hair all fancy I spend the majority of my day worrying if it still looks ok. I have better things to do than worry about my hair.

So today when I go to work I will not be wearing any makeup and my hair will probably be pulled back in a pony tail. I will be dressed in clothes that acceptable according to the company guidelines. No where in the handbook does it say I have to wear a particular color of socks. Today I will probably wear white socks simply because they are at the top.

Oh and while I’m on the issue of social norms I have one other thing I’ve been wondering about. Who invented the fitted sheet? And who decided that the sheet sets sold in the USA have to be a fitted and a flat sheet? Don’t they know most of the world uses FLAT sheets for the bottom sheet?

Parallel parking and it's parallel life lessons

Last night after work I was driving around trying to find a parking spot. I usually end up parking at the opposite end of the neighborhood from where I live. I don’t know what was going on in the neighborhood but there were no spots to park, so I thought. I almost went back to work because I didn’t want to get towed for parking in the wrong spot (they are notorious for towing in this neighborhood). As much as I love my job I loved my bed even more at that moment. I spotted a spot but it wasn’t big enough for my jeep, I even tried but couldn’t get in. I drove around some more and came back to the spot again. It took me nearly 15 min of slow and small movements but I wedged myself in.

The lesson here is to never give up. In this case I learned I am better at parallel parking that I thought and I got a much closer spot than usual. In life I have given up WAY too easily just because things have gotten hard. I thought getting into the parking spot was going to be hard, but it really wasn’t it just took time. I wonder how many times I’ve quit other things because I thought they were too hard but all they really needed was some slow, small movements and time? No use in living in the past because all I have is now. From now on I am not going to give up so easily

Getting off the cycle of consumerism???????

I really do love my job, but I am ready for it to be done mid-January. This last week I’ve put in a good amount of overtime to help get the store ready for black Friday. I am amazed at the volume of garbage generated before products are sold. In just a couple of hours we filled two giant dumpsters and we were no where near done with all the pallets. I am tired of the consumerism that plagues our society. As I was working this morning (yes I was working Thanksgiving morning) I began to wonder what would happen if everyone bought just what they needed. What would the economic impact be? What stores would be left standing?

I find myself being challenged to do what I can in my corner of the world. I am more careful about what I buy. I now try to buy things that are environmentally friendly. I’ve always loved thrift stores and I greatly miss the ones in Mankato as there is only one within 15-20 miles. Thrift stores are great source of recycled items. I’m also becoming bothered by all the chemicals used in our food and cleaning products. When I get back to Mankato I am going to buy more natural foods, use natural cleaning products, and conserve energy.

I really feel like I’m being called to promote this kind of lifestyle. There are other things I am being called to mix in with this. I am seeking wisdom on the right mix of things. How far am I supposed to take things? Is it going to turn into a career?

Homesick

When I was a kid and went to summer camp I never understood the kids who cried all week because they were homesick. Now, I understand. I thought it was a feeling that would pass, but it hasn't after almost 4 months. I don't cry all the time but the feeling is still there. I miss chatting over a tin filled with fried dumplings with my friend Lee Sue and playing with her kids. I miss seeing and being in the physical presence of all those wonderful people at HIC. The internet is good for an occasional chat, but it's not the real thing.

In the timeframe of eternity it won't be long till I see them all again.

Update to the coworkers post

Saturday morning my boss came up to me and told me that some of my coworkers were in an uproar about my name being plastered all over the report. Of course I knew about it, but he didn't know I already knew about the letters. He said he had no problem with my performance and if he did he would talk to me about it.

On another work related note:

We have this thing where we get customers e-mail addresses and send them discount coupons. One of our jobs at the registers is to ask them if they want to be on the e-mail list. I am proud to say I have been the store champ since my first day there. The only days I didn't get the most were the days I didn't touch the registers. We are supposed to get 5 emails/shift and I got 14 Friday night. Do you want to guess how many the whole store got Friday? 14, and they all came from me. Another benchmark number for e-mails is 6%, meaning getting e-mails from 6% of the customers who come through our line. Saturday my percentage was 15.6%!!! I think it was higher today. Yes, I know it seems like I am bragging, that's because I am. I am finally THE BEST at something. I even am able to get e-mail addresses from people when I'm not working on the registers. I get them just by walking around the store talking to people. I get e-mails just because I'm me being myself. I am successful at my job because I am being myself. Just being me is valued and even being held up as an example to be followed. AAAAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh, it feels good.

Coworkers

For the most part I've always gotten along with my coworkers at all my former jobs. But, when it came down to it, when trouble would start brewing they would scatter and I'd be stuck. Tonight I just about cried when I found out at least two of my coworkers at World Market were fighting on my behalf. Last Sunday I had a secret shopper come through my line and it was one of those situations where items were priced wrong, it was a total mess, but in the end I made it work. As a result I only got a score of 50%. The secret shopper survey was posted in the breakroom and of course my name was all over it. Several of my coworkers were discussing it and saying how unfair it was that I was singled out and made to look bad when the situation was not as it appeared to be on paper. One of them happened to be right by me during the whole transaction and he said he was having trouble with the same items. Two of my coworkers wrote letters to the lead manager asking him to take down the surveys or at least black out my name. I've NEVER had anybody stick up for me like that.

A year or so ago the comments on the paper would have totally upset me and it would have taken me a long time to come back up. But I was able to brush off the comments because I know I am not what the comments said I am. As I started writing this blog entry I remembered a line from the Secret I've heard many times (I have the audio book on my MP3 player) which goes like this "When the voice and vision on the inside become more profound and clear than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life." I think I am well on my way to mastering my life!!!!

It's a beautiful night

I don't always like having to park so far away after a long shift at work but sometimes it's worth it. Tonight was one of those nights I'm happy I had to park where I did.

The air was crisp (30 degrees), the sky was clear, and the stars were twinkling brightly. It was a beautiful sight. I don't know what it is but the crisp air seems to make the stars twinkle a little more than usual.

Is a person supposed to have this much fun at work?

This pic was taken of me at work. Yes, I was on the clock. We were playing around with various items while straightening up the store. I took a picture of Bianca with her phone and after she wanted to take a pic of me.

first 14 hour work day is over

My feet are definitly letting me know it's been a LONG day. I am so thankful I work at Costco early mornings and World Market during the afternoon or evenings, I don't think I could do it if it were the other way around. World Market is a fun and laid back atmosphere.

Snooze, snooze, snooze.... I am going to bed now. I only work at World Market tomorrow.

Quick update-ok maybe not so quick

I know there are several people who check here for updates from me. Here is a quick one.

This past Monday nothing really special happened, thus ending my streak of amazing Mondays. I didn't go to my Weight Watchers meeting until Thursday (when I had the $$). I lost 2.4 pounds this past week. Now it's really hitting me that I am REALLY doing it this time. I've lost a total of 16 pounds in a little over 5 weeks. It will be interesting what will happen in the next few weeks as my body adjusts to this new and insane work schedule. I've already noticed BIG changes in my clothes. I pretty much NEED to buy a whole new wardrobe. Thankfully my work clothes consist of jeans, nice t-shirts and polo shirts (which happen to be on clearance from the summer months).

I am working at Costco 30 hours/week and World Market around 40 hours/week. Yes, that's 70 hours/week. I'm not sure when I'll be going to Weight Watchers meetings, I guess it will have to be a day when I have the morning or afternoon/evening off. Thankfully the local WW has meetings 7 days/week.

Today I went to fill out the paperwork at World Market. They said I could stay as long as I wanted to work after. YIPPPEEEE!!!!!!!!! I figured out tonight I pretty much earned a tank of gas for helping set up the Christmas gift wrap display. World Market, so far, seems like a pretty easy going and fun place to work. The pay is decent and the people are really nice. I think the only problem I'll have working there is not spending my entire paycheck. There are so many things I want. I'll really have to focus on what would be a wise use of my money. I just hope some things I have my eye on don't go on sale before I get my financial situation more in order. I get a 30% discount, even on top of the sale price. I think I may have mentioned this in another post... I love the music they play at the store. It's a great blend of just about everything I love to listen to. Today as I was stocking I was also dancing around with the music. I had such a blast!! The people I work with are so cool they probably don't think twice. Hey, it's more calories burned!!

One of my purposes in making the journey this year was to find spiritual communities. Before I left my intention was to find successful "churches" (for the lack of a better term) and see what made them tick. Over the past few weeks my definition of a spiritual community has changed. I'm still working out every thing in my mind so please forgive me if you don't quite understand it. Since we are all spiritual beings whenever two or more are gathered there is a spiritual community. So, I am looking at groups of people and making mental notes of what works and what does not work. So far some of the qualities of what I call a successful spiritual community are; respect, a common purpose or goal, respect, diversity (of opinion, race, genders, sexual orientation), and RESPECT. Did I mention respect? I have observed that if there is no respect the group falls apart or does not work well.

I've also have been thinking a lot about the word ONE. What does one mean? There is a song I keep listening to over and over again, it's called The Power of One and it's on the Evan Almighty soundtrack. Yes, I am going to post some music lyrics again.

----------------------

1st Verse

One person refused to sit on the back of the bus
She changed the ride for all of us
Oh, that's the power of one

2nd Verse

Her diary found a light in the dark
A young girl's hope touched millions of hearts
Oh, that's the power of one

Chorus

('Cause) one grain of sand can turn the tide
One single spark can light the night
One simple dream
One gentle word
One act of love from someone
Can start a chain reaction
It all begins in the heart
And the power of one (oh, no)

3rd Verse

All the others who stoned, he didn't judge
He moved the world with the strength of his love
Oh, that's the power of one

(Repeat Chorus)

4th Verse

All the little things we do every day
The smallest step can bring on a change
Oh, that's the power of one

(Repeat Chorus)

Tag

The power of one
The power of one
It's the power of one
Oh, it's the power of one
Oooh, oooh
It's the power of one
The power of one
Hey, yeah, yeah, oh, oh
------------------------------

I'll leave you to ponder these lyrics. I am headed off to bed. 4am comes VERY early.

It's 8pm and I'm heading off to bed

Yes, me, I'm going to bed soon. Why? you ask. Well, I'm glad you asked. I happen to be working at Costco at 5:30am. WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!

I had my interview at World Market went VERY well. I asked about the pay rate and was told I will get paid between $9 and $10/hr. YES YES YES!!!! They normally do group interviews but no one else could make it in today, I think it worked in my favor. I really got to express myself and tell him why I want to work there. I was asked if I wanted to work full or part-time. My reply was "as many hours as possible." I got a very strong impression that it's pretty much a done deal. Given my Monday streak I'm thinking I'll get the call Monday.

Bye bye pharmacy....

I took the job at Costco and today I informed my boss at the pharmacy that I could not work until 11am every day. To make a long story short I can't work for Costco and Giant Pharmacy because they are competators (between you and me there is no competition, Costco is way better). Costco is paying me $2.95/hr more than the pharmacy and can give me more hours so I said bye bye to the pharmacy. Friday is my last day.

I spent a couple of hours this afternoon searching for another job and had a list of a few places to apply to tomorrow. After I got home from work I got a message that World Market called me for an interview. Talk about perfect timing. From the moment I walked into World Market I wanted to work there. It's kinda like Pier 1 but the prices are a little better and they have a wider variety of stuff. If they have an African mask it's actually made in Africa, not China. I fell in love with their jewlery, scarves, and musical instruments from various cultures. I am reminding myself that Spirit does not make mistakes. The pharmacy could have been temporary until I got Costco and World Market. Click on the Bye bye pharmacy.... title to go to the World Market website.

Touched by an angel???

Last night I fell asleep on the couch in the basement watching TV, which is not unusual. I remember laying down and I remember the point I fell asleep. At that time I did not have any covering on me. I remember waking up briefly around 2am and was not covered. I woke up at 5am and was totally confused because the blanket was covering me. There was no one here except my sister-in-law and myself (and the two cats). I could tell by the way the blanket laying that someone or something else had covered me.

I've been doing a lot of reading about angels lately and feel drawn to work with them. I've recieved a few messages which I attribute to them, but this is the first tangible evidence I've had of their being around.

The Secret at work

In The Secret movie and book there is a story about a guy who had a lot of problems with his co-workers. Once he started focusing on what he really wanted the people either transferred or left him alone. Well, at my job there was one person I didn't particularly care for. I released any negative feelings I had towards her (it helped a lot that she went on vacation). I saw her in passing today asked her a question and she replied with "This is my last week here, I'm being transfered."

YEAH!!!!!!!!!! I told you Mondays were great days.

The Monday streak continues

I went to a morning Weight Watchers meeting today (I have to work this evening and I wanted to attend a meeting with the new leader I found last week). I lost 1.2 pounds for a grand total of 13.6 so far!!!

Then, just a few min ago I found out my background check was completed and I have been hired at Costco. I'll be working at least 25 hours/week and getting $11/hour. YEAH!!!!!!!!

See, I told you Monday was a good day

My streak of good Monday's continues. I thought I worked from 9am-3pm but much to my suprise I was scheduled to work until 4pm, an extra hour puts more money on my paycheck. I also found a way to get an extra 4 hours every week. The Sunday afternoon shift goes to anyone who wants it. Most of the time no-one wants it so someone is just scheduled and they are often not happy about it. AND it's payed as time and a half. YEAH!!!!! I only found this out because the pharmacist I worked with today asked me why I didn't pick it up (she knows I need as many hours as I can get).

After work I had my Weight Watchers meeting. I thought I would just maintain or loose one pound at the most. As I was stepping on the scale I said something about this week being a very munchie week for me and the weigher said something like "Well you must have been munching the right stuff because you lost 2.2 pounds this week." Wooo hooo!!!!! In the last month I have lost 12.4 pounds.

Wooohoooo (Costco interview update)

As long as my background check comes out ok (no reason it shouldn't)I have a job working there at least 25 hours/week making $11/hr. YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!

Yet another interview

I just got another phone call for an interview, this time it's at Kohls. So I have Kohls at 10am on Thursday and Costco at noon on Friday. YEAH!!!!

I don't get why people dread Mondays

The past few Mondays have been the highlight of my week.

Last Monday I got a job, found out I lost 7.6 pounds, and got some wonderful emails from my friends at HIC.

Today I wasn't supposed to work but was called and asked to cover a shift for 6 hours. Then when I got home I found out I got a phone call in response to a temporary job I called about last Friday. The job requires that I walk around distributing flyers for Budget Blinds (you know those flyers people stick in your door, that's what I'd be doing if I get the job). I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9am. Perfect, a job where I get paid to exercise, YEAH!!! Then I go to my Weight Watchers meeeting and find out I lost 2.6 pounds this week for a total of 10.2 pounds gone. I already feel the difference in my pants. When I got home I got the news that Costco called. I have an interview with them Friday at noon. It would be awesome if I could get early morning hours, then I would have at least 2 jobs. So great day, and it was a Monday!!

I'm looking forward to what next Monday has in store.

UPDATE on Tuesday morning: I had the interview this morning. The hours they want and the hours I am available don't mesh. But they are looking for someone to place signs at certain intersections Friday morning/afternoon and pick them up Sunday afternoon/evening. It will give me gas money and some exercise so I said I would take it.

Red socks vs. white, what's the big deal?

Who made the rule that white socks go with everything. Personally, I find wearing white socks with everything kind of tacky.

When I went to work Friday I work my brown pants and a green polo shirt. Since I was going to wear tennis shoes I needed to wear socks also (I can could on one hand the number of times I've work socks since I left for Ukraine). I found my stash of clean socks and pulled out the first matching pair I saw, which just happened to be red. My pants were long enough were no one would see them so I put them on.

Wearing something "wrong" gives me more energy. I know it seems odd, but I can't explain it. I wore my red socks with pride and will do so again in the future.

Have I mentioned before I love song lyrics

I've seen a commercial recently and it had a catchy song. Being the Google queen I am I searched for it and found it truely was a full-fledged song. I love the lyrics and will see if I can download the song to my mp3 player. The song is Hold On Tight.

--------------------------
Electric Light Orchestra - Hold On Tight Lyrics

Hold on tight to your dream
Hold on tight to your dream
When you see your ship go sailing
When you feel your heart is breaking
Hold tight to your dream.

It's a long time to be gone
Time just rolls on and on
When you need a shoulder to cry on
When you get so sick of trying
Just hold tight to your dream

CHORUS:
When you get so down that you can't get up
And you want so much but you're all out of luck
When you're so downhearted and misunderstood
Just over & over & over you could

Accroches-toi a ton reve
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Quand tu vois ton bateau partir
Quand tu sents -- ton coeur se briser
Accroches-toi a ton reve.

REPEAT CHORUS:

Hold on tight to your dream
Hold on tight to your dream
When you see the shadows falling
When you hear that cold wind calling
Hold on tight to your dream.

Oh, yeah
Hold on tight to your dream
Yeah, hold on tight...
To your dream.

---------------------------------

I so needed this right now. I have a lot of dreams, I can't give up!!

Oh no they didn't

I got a phone call from the home care place today. I saw their name on the caller ID and thought "Great, I find out when I can work" (I was going to keep them as my part time job and the pharmacy as my main job). Nope, no suck luck. The guy was on speakerphone (how rude) and informed me they have not run the background check yet because they neglected to have me (or the rest of the people in orientation last week) fill out the form authorizing a background check. HELLO!!! They were supposed to run the background checks yesterday but they didn't call me until today to tell me they don't have the form. Now they want me to drive over there to fill out the form. Nope, not going to happen.

I WILL not work for this company. I will not work for someone who can't get simple paperwork straight, can't return phone calls, and can't give me answers to straightforward questions.

Now I need to contact them to let them know I will not be working with them.

How can I forget

Yesterday I also got an e-mail from my very dearest friend LeeSue. She has always been there for me. I call her my voice of reason and will tell me like it is. I think we all need people like that in our lives. Thinking about her I really want some dumplings from Hunan Garden.

Better Today

I got hired at a pharmacy a few blocks away, it's inside a grocery store. I went to the grocery store to fill out an application and saw the signs for a pharmacy tech position, definitly more my style then the deli. They are going to pay for me to go through the process to become certified. Once I take and pass the test my pay rate goes up $2/hr. And I'll be able to walk to work so very

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting tonight and found out I lost 7.6 pounds this week. The first week or two is a lot of water weight but I'll take it. By the time I return to Minnesota next year I bet some people will not be able to recognize me.

After I got back from my meeting I checked my e-mail and found some wonderful messages of support from the HIC community. I e-mailed asking for prayers last night and they came through. Such a wonderful group of people. I feel like I've been given a major boost. Getting those e-mails was way better than losing those 7.6 pounds any day.

Doubting the journey

I'm really doubting right now if I am doing the right thing. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be this hard. Why did I ever think this would work in the first place?

I had a conversation with someone tonight and felt like I got knocked down a few more rungs. I thought I was stronger than this.

Frustration

My bank account balance is less than favorable at the moment and the last thing I needed was a delay in starting a job...

I went for orientation at my new job today. I was told I would actually start working Wed or Thursday or possibly later. This was after I was told yesterday, by the same person, I would start Monday. They knew there was a delay in the orientation (was supposed to be Tuesday) so why didn't they at least do the background checks instead of waiting until after orientation. OR they should have more than one person who could do the orientation, it's not that hard to say sign this form, read this paper then answer these questions, read these books at home, and the pay dates are the 8th and 23rd of every month.

I wasn't too thrilled with orientation either. There was no explanation of the benefits they advertised in their Craigslist ad. Nor did they say if we had to come to the office to pick up our checks or give us any information about direct diposit. I didn't get a good vibe from the person doing orientation.

I'm not going to shoot myself in the foot and quit before I even start. But, I am looking at other jobs. I really didn't want to go back to the medical field but all signs are pointing there. I've applied for two heart monitor tech jobs as well as multiple unit secretary positions. The heart monitor tech positions want 1-2 years experince, well, I have almost 8, so very little training involved.

Biggest Loser

I spent a lot of time last week putting together my application and video to be on season 5 of Biggest Loser. Last Wednesday I finished the video and was getting ready to fill out the final draft of the application. Shortly after I filmed my last segment I got a phone call. I had applied for 20+ jobs in VA just an hour or so before. The phone call was from one of those applications. A few hours later I was on the road. Being on the open road is great for thinking. While driving I convinced myself I really didn't need Biggest Loser. I thought about all the reasons I wrote down on the application and stated again in the video. If I value myself the way I say I do then why would I wait to get healthy until filming starts next April? Why not start now?

So after a lot more thinking I joined Weight Watchers again last night. I didn't like the number I saw on my little card but I will never have to see that number again. This time is different. I have something else deep inside me that has changed. I can't explain it very well, but this time it feels more like a fire.

Louisville wrap-up

Yes, my time in Louisville came to an end. At this point jobs are dictating where I go. I'd been applying to jobs in KY as well as VA (where my brother and SIL live). As of Wednesday last week I still had not heard from Kroger or Pier 1. But, I did hear from Home Instead Senior Care in VA one and a half hours after I submitted my application. I had an informal phone interview and things sounded good so a formal interview was set up for the next day. So I packed up my stuff, said good bye to Aalia, and hit the road again. While I was getting ready to leave I got a call from Kroger offering me a job. She was a bit stunned when I told her I wouldn't take the job because I was going to VA.

I didn't arrive at my destination until 2:30 am. For the most part the trip went great. I wish I would have arrived in West VA earlier in the day so I could have seen more of the mountains. There was the one semi driver I almost called the state patrol on in VA (kept switching lanes to ride my butt and flashing their brights at me, there was nothing wrong with my vehicle), other than that the trip was a breeze.

I had my interview Thursday morning and got hired on the spot. I start orientation tomorrow afternoon. I will be working with seniors in their homes doing things like preparing meals, washing clothes, taking them grocery shopping, and doing things as simple as playing a game of cards. This is a non-medical position. The pay is decent, I can work full-time, and it's a job I think I will actually enjoy.

I was sad to leave Louisville. I had a great time with Aalia, Natalie, Baley, and Fat Louie. I will be eternally grateful for their kindness. I also wish I could have spent more time with the spiritual community I found.

Laughing till your body aches

We don't laugh nearly enough. Today at dinner I laughed so hard my gut muscles still hurt several hours later. It was so good just to laugh and do silly stuff. By the way, the round drink coasters at Olive Garden make great frisbees.

Reflections on Omaha

Am I bummed that Omaha didn't work out? Of course but I also think things needed to happen the way they did. I was only there for a few days but I feel like I learned what I needed to and moved on.

I learned what it was like to be totally by myself with no one there to fall back on. I learned I have what I need to make it but it's better to have that community around you. It's like the toothpick object lesson Hope has doen several times. When alone an toothpick is easily broken. When it is with three or four others it's harder to break. But when you put a whole big bunch together it's very hard to break any of them. In Omaha I felt like that solitary toothpick; I got broken into pieces and could still function, but not as well as I do when I have a community around me. I had no sense of purpose there.

Nights were the most difficult time for me. I was tired and I drove all around Omaha trying to find something. I don't know what that something was because I never found it. Each night I went into a full-blown cry fest and at times yelled, screamed, and pounded my fists. I'm not quite sure why but I know I needed to do it. For the vast majority of my life I've not allowed myself to just cry if I need too. I think the purpose of me going to Omaha was to force me to take that bullet full-on (thanks Hope for the illustration), to break down more of my defenses, to learn how to feel more.

I'm looking forward to what Louisville has to offer. It's been great so far!

Angels

Tuesday evening I was sitting in Boarders in Omaha and was reading a book about angel healing. I think it was by Doreen Virtue. I have been doing a lot of reading about various healing techniques and I now am finding myself really drawn to angel healing. I am interested in other things but really feel drawn to angels. After my experience of using Reiki and calling upon Raphael to help with my Jeep I had tangible evidence this is a direction I need to go. I'll be exploring this much more in the coming months.

Another thing I've experienced on this trip is thoughts which are not my own. It's hard to explain but I'll try. It's like I hear a voice in my head but it has my voice but I know what I am hearing is from someone/something else. This is something else I would like to explore more.

I've got a whole other post brewing in my head so I'm off to go type it before the profound thoughts disappear.

Where is she now?

Well, the Goddess On Wheels has moved on from Omaha. I am now in Louisville, KY. I had an offer to come stay at Aalia's house so I took her up on it and here I am. I got the offer around ll:15am yesterday and left Omaha around 11:45. The only reason it took me that long was because I had to look up directions and write them down. I had nothing to pack since all of it was in my Jeep. With all the necessary stops the whole trip took me just under 12 hours. Nothing too exciting happened. A few miles after I got out of St. Louis I saw a sign saying Louisville was 250 miles away. So I go to set my odometer and I saw a light blinking that said "Check the guages" and I find the oil gauge is doing something funny. It quickly returned back to normal but was still moving around some. I just happened to be driving past one of those strip of car dealers so I pulled in figuring there had to be a mechanic around there somewhere who could at least check it out. I pulled in and found a Jeep dealer. I walked in and quickly figured out there was no mechanic but there were two very nice men who asked me a few questions and quickly determined there was nothing really wrong. The only thing they warned me about was if the check engine light came on and then I was supposed to pull over right away. Well, duh, I would have pulled over anyhow if they had not said that but thanks for the adivice. I was counting my blessings that it was nothing serious and I had AAA. As I got back on the road the gauge was still acting a little funny and was still making me uneasy. So I did what any good Reiki person would do; I did Reiki on Jeep and asked Archangel Raphael to help heal it. Guess what, it stabilized and didn't move much for the next couple of hours. It started moving around more about an hour away from my destination so I did some more Reiki and again it stabilized. I don't care what people say, Reiki helped my Jeep.

ok, what do I do now

I feel like I've screwed myself by working in the medical field my entire working career after high school. I'm having a VERY hard time finding a job. I was told I don't have the right work experience to get an entry level customer service job. WHAT???? I don't get it. So where do I go from here?

Last night I did meet a few really nice people at a metaphysical store. One was a military guy who grew up in Georgia playing games with the roaches in his house, he was hilarious. The two others were the two women working there. They were not your typical older semi-retired women who I usually see working in these types of stores. They were my age, very knowledgeable, and genuinely sweet. Something that impressed me about the store was their book section. They had books from all the religious traditions. Everything from Wicca to a King James Version Bible.

I don't know when I'll be updating again. I need to find some place to go for the next stop on my journey. I pick Omaha as a starting point, it just happened to be a shorter stay than I had imagined.

Cellphone charger: don't leave home without it

I can't find my cellphone charger and my phone battery is almost dead. This is not a good thing when you are searching for a job. I turn my phone on every half-hour to an hour to see if anyone has called then turn it off. I've heard of people using reiki to recharge their phones, I'll be giving it a shot later tonight. I'll need it because my mom will probably be calling me. I think have to break down and buy a new one if I can, my phone is over a year old and therefore is ancient technology.

2nd night it Omaha

I REALLY REALLY REALLY could use a hug right now. It was a rough night for me, not much sleep. More thoughts along the line of "what the hell am I doing here". I drove around till 2:30am and finally got to sleep around 3:30am and woke up at 7. I really need a place to lay my head at night that does not cost $60/night or is hot and humid like my jeep.

I don't have a job yet. The two temp agencies I went to yesterday were ummm, interesting. They gave me the creeps. I don't know what it is about them but my gut says stay away from them. I'm waiting for a call from another agency in a nicer part of town, I submitted my application on-line and called them this morning to confirm they received it. I should be hearing from them this afternoon.

It's amazing what a few hours of sleep will do

I got about 6 hours of solid sleep. I have a fresh perspective and a plan of attack for today. I am going to at least 2 temp agencies this morning. I've already got directions (wireless internet is an awesome thing). I worked with Labor Ready in Mankato so I picked them and another place I saw an ad in the paper for. When I looked up Labor Ready in the yellow pages they have 2 locations listed so I just picked one. I looked at the ad for the one in the paper and guess what, it's just down the street from the Labor Ready location I picked. Awesome! The less driving I have to do in an unfamiliar city, the better.

I've arrived in Omaha

I stayed at HIC Friday and Saturday night. It was so refreshing for me; body, mind, and spirit. I do have to admit it was hard for me to leave there because HIC has been such a special place for me. After I dropped the key in the mail slot I went and had breakfast with Amy, she is another one of those people who have touched my life very deeply. She gave me a crystal pendant to hang on my mirror. As I drove all those hours I had little rainbows all over my Jeep (at least while the sun was out). I quickly stopped at Dunn Brothers to connect to their wi-fi so I could get directions to pick up my sister-in-law. I was turning the key to start my Jeep and leave town BUT I saw someone out of the corner of my eye. Could it be? Why yes it was! It was Paul and Janice (Hope) Gorman. I took out the key and walked up to them for one last hug before I left.

On my way to pick up my sister-in-law I called my mom and told her I was driving to Omaha after we had lunch. She does not understand why I'm here with so much uncertainty. She is having a hard time with it, uncertainty is not her style, she likes to have everything in place.

The drive was uneventful. I saw something very strange in Iowa; a white stretch limo driving down the road in the middle of nowhere, nothing but farm fields for miles and miles around. Not that a farmer couldn't ride in a limo, it's just a little weird to see a limo in a remote area. A few miles before I got to Omaha I needed gas but it happened to be one of those stretches of road where there isn't any gas stations nearby. I finally found a sign for one so I pulled off and had to cross a narrow bridge and turn into a gravel driveway to get into the gas station. the location was a little creapy so I just put in $10 and hightailed it out of there after two guys pulled in. I've learned to trust my gut and my gut said pump $10 and leave, so I did.

When I got to Omaha I was overwhelmed. I had NO clue as to where to go or what to do next. I drove around for a while and found a Wal-Mart; it was something familiar and it helped ground me. While I was walking around I found a map of Omaha and the surrounding areas. At least I won't be so lost. I broke down and let the tears some several times already. What am I doing here? Why did I ever think this would work? I'm freaking crazy! These are all thoughts that were running through my head. I was hot and sticky from the humidity so I decided to find a hotel room for the night. So, that's where I am right now at 2am. They have a strong wi-fi signal here. In the morning I am going to google and mapquest my heart out. The signal is so strong inside I think I should be able to get it in the parking lot too. I am going to get directions to the Unity church, and several temp agencies. I really want to go to the church and connect with someone there. I need that connection, I need someone around me who will understand what it is I'm trying to do.

I need to get some sleep. I plan on checking out of here at the last possible min. I need my sleep.

Thankfully I had the money (update added at end of post)

Yesterday I called a mechanic and scheduled my Jeep for an oil change and overall inspection before I hit the road. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I took it in. I thought something was funny when I had to add coolant last January and again today. I saw steam a few times but didn't think anything of it because it didn't happen on a consistent basis. Put two and two together and you need a new radiator. One of the CV joint boots also had a hole in it and my transmission fluid needed to be flushed. So almost $1000 later I'll be set to go. I'm thankful I had the money and I didn't break down in the middle of no where.

Saturday morning update:

the final cost was $966. For a few weeks now I've always had the number $1,000 to get my Jeep ready for the road. They were not sure if they were going to be able to get it all done Friday but they called me at 3:40pm to tell me they were finished. I found a new mechanic. I will always take my vehicles to Austin's Auto Repair in North Mankato as long as I am in the Mankato area.

An Inconvenient Truth

Tonight I saw Al Gore's movie, An Inconvenient Truth, for the first time. I was moved. I had absolutly no idea how important polar ice caps were to the planet as a whole. Some people doubt the connection between the increase in CO2 and a rise in temperature. But as someone so wisely brought up tonight, forget the whole global warming issue and focus on the fact there is only a finite amount of coal and natural gas on this planet. We need to conserve energy now so it is available for future generations and even ourselves when we get older. Someone doubted if what they were doing by themselves was effective. Once again I was reminded of a song I've heard named The Power of One from the Evan Almighty soundtrack. It highlighted several people who made a difference by doing something they may have deemed insignificant. What if Rosa Parks had moved to the back of the bus? I encourage everyone to keep doing the things they deem insignificant to help the environment. Someone else may see you buying those compact lightbulbs and think "I should get some of those". Someone may see you using your recycled grocery bag and be moved to reuse their bags and they in turn will inspire someone else to do the same, and on goes the ripple effect and it all started with ONE.

Impermanent Things-more song lyrics and thoughts

What can I say, I love song lyrics. I've been thinking a lot about stuff and what physical objects are really necessary in my life. As I am packing everything up for my journey I find I need a lot less than what I started out thinking I needed. My goal for tomorrow (well actually today) is to see if I can get everything I need into the two wheeled duffel bags, one backpack, a small crate and cooler to hold food and bedding. I was inspired in this line of thinking by a Dr. Wayne Dyer PBS special I saw Saturday night. It was based off the Tao Te Ching, which I have been reading off and on. During the show he talked about getting rid of all his stuff from his condo/office on Maui; he got rid of EVERYTHING and never looked back. So that started me thinking about what would happen if I got rid of everything. I'm not going to get rid of everything in my storage locker just yet, but I am, in a sense getting rid of everything and starting a new life. So, I think I am going to take minimal supplies and clothes and then buy only what is absolutly necessary along the way.

Now for the song lyrics which inspired me to write this post in the first place. Just a few min. ago, while playing an online game, a song popped into my head. The song is Impermanent Things by Peter Himmelman. I love his music because his lyrics are usually very deep and thought provoking. Here are the lyrics:

Impermanent Things
From the album From Strength to Strength (1991)

All these impermanent things
Oh how they fool me
Dominate and rule me
They keep me waiting here forever
All these impermanent things
Well their beauty's never aging
But their worthlessness's enraging
You know we all stand alone when we're together

Why keep hanging on
To things that never stay
Things that just keep stringin' us along
From day to day

All these impermanent things
Present yet elusive
Passive yet abusive
Tearing out the heart in utter silence
All these impermanent things
Well they point in all directions
Like secondhand reflections
And they're leading us to subtle shades of violence

Why keep hanging on
To things that never stay
Things that just keep stringin' us along
From day to day

All these impermanent things
Well they're trying to convince me
Baptize my soul and rinse me
Purge my mind of honesty and fire
All these impermanent things
Well they all add up to zero
They make-believe that they're my hero
Then they fill my mind with doubt and false desires

Why keep hanging on
To things that never stay
Things that just keep stringin' us along
From day to day

One Girl Revolution

I'm trying to find out how to put this song in the background of my blog. But for now I'll just post the lyrics. I think this fits me perfectly. (of course I don't carry a rifle)

I wear a disguise
I'm just your average jane
The super doesn't stand for model
But that doesn't mean I'm plain
If all you see is how I look
You miss the superchick within
And I christen you titanic underestimate and swim
I've got the rifle gonna be myself

(CHORUS)
And I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world

Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone...

8/16/2007

I was going to work on my storage locker today but plans changed when I got a phone call at 8am. It was Labor Ready and they asked me if I wanted to work today. Sure, why not. The pay was not the best but it was money and I got cash today. All day I assembled various computer circuit boards. You know all those little pieces you see if you look at a mother board or something similar? I was putting those little pieces into the boards. It gives me a whole new appreciation for the work that goes into those things. I was asked to come back tomorrow and I get to bring my mp3 player with me. Since the work is pretty mind numbing I had plenty of time to think today and tomorrow I get to listen to "The Secret" and the session I had with Hope on Tuesday (I ripped it from the CD and burned to my mp3 player). Getting paid to listen to the stuff I would listen to anyhow during the day; now that's what I call the good life.

All I can say is WOW!!!!

Today I had the wonderful pleasure of being able to have a session with Hope. WOW WOW WOW!!! There were things she told me that she could not have possibly known. I have more confirmation that I am doing the right thing. After I make plans my mind tends to blow things out of proportion, but this time it felt different, like it was coming from my heart not from my head. Today I got my confirmation this was from my heart.

I will be coming back but it will be hard to leave for a year. I've finally found this great group of people who have helped me become a much better person. I hope during this next year to grow and bring some of it back with me to carry into the leadership training next year and for the rest of my life.

It's so good to be home

I know many people who are reading this (if you have been reading please leave a comment so I know you were here, click on the little envelope at the end of the post) have heard me say this before, but I am so glad I'm home. Home for me is being surrounded by people who get me, and I get them.

Wednesday morning I went to HIC and saw dearest Penny and got a great big hug. I knew everything was going to be ok again. As I was meditating all the physical issues I was having as a result of the traveling went away. I felt whole again after I left there, a feeling I missed for the previous two weeks.

I went to visit with Hope and Penny Thursday afternoon. Joni happened to be there too. It's always good to see her, she was the first person to greet me the first time I attended a Spiritual Service. Anytime I see any of the people from HIC is a good time. The energy that comes from everyone is so uplifting.

Today was a little bittersweet when I went to the Spiritual Service, I won't be there for a few months. I love being around everybody! The hugs are great and the energy level is out of this world!! After the service several of us went to Pub 500 and today I learned about colors and the 7 rays and ascended masters from one of the women who is in the current leadership class. I was very interested in what she was saying because I have been reading about colors and auras all weekend. After I'm done with this I am going to do some more Googling on the topic.

What color is your inner aura?

Your Inner Color is Purple

Your Personality: You're a dreamer and visionary. You believe you were put on this earth to do something great. You in Love: You're very passionate but often too busy for love. You need a partner who sees your vision and adopts it as their own. Your Career: You need a job that helps you make a difference. You have a bright future as a guru, politician, teacher, or musician.

What's Your Inner Color?

Back from Ukraine

I'm back home. I got back home Tuesday evening around 9pm. The flights were good, I didn't sleep on the plane, airline food is not the best, airport security was tight... you know, all the normal travel stuff, blah blah blah blah..... Who really cares about that stuff anyhow? I am convinced that the people who ask just those types of questions really don't care, they are just asking to seem like they are interested.

Some people may have called my trip a disaster or a waste of money, but I think it was exactly what I needed. For the past year or so my views on the world and organized religion have been changing. I needed this trip to know for sure what I do and don't want in my life. I have decided I can not be affiliated with the Baptist church. I'm not saying all Baptists are bad, I've met some very good ones but I can no longer be a part of the church as a whole. I feel I can be a better agent for change in the world by being someplace else. I won't go into details because what purpose would that serve? I believe change will happen by understanding people where they are at, not requiring that people "repent" and come up to your level. Jesus was a wonderful example. Didn't he/she come down here to become one of us? For a very long time I've felt that most churches have missed the boat on the whole Jesus thing. Jesus came to be an example for us and much of the behavior I have witnessed in the "church" has not been Jesus like. Since I was a young child I knew something was not right and now I finally have the courage to stand on my own two feet and use my God given brain to think for myself. I've never been happier and full of true joy since I started on this path. I know certain people will not like it but it's my life.

I could go on and on and make this a huge tirade against the church, but instead of getting angry and getting other people angry I need to figure out what my next step is to help solve the problem.

I'm off

I'm leaving in a few min. to go to church to meet my ride to go to the airport. I'll update when I get to Ukraine.

Love in Action

My goal for the next year is to visit spiritual communities and find out how they do things. Are they there just because they have always been there? Or, are they there because they want to make a difference? Do they do things out in the community to look good and "ingnore" their members? Or, do they take care of their own? I want to get at the core of what makes spiritual communities tick and work well.

Today I saw a perfect example of spiritual community comming together to take care of one of their own. Today I helped several people pack up and move all the stuff from a woman's apartment. This woman was unable to do it herself so without question, people from HIC came together, packed up the apartment and put it all in storage. It was hot and humid but everyone kept working and in 2.5 hours everything was done.

I think this was a great way to start off my journey; seeing love in action. Throughout the next year I hope to find many more examples of this type of love. As I see this love in action it teaches me how to love. As I love more my outlook on life changes. Those stories I tell myself about people (even though I don't know them) are changing, instead of looking on the outward appearance I find myself looking at them through eyes of love and it is with those eyes I can truely see their soul.

The travel shirt saga

There is another YouTube video for you to watch. Just click on the post title and you can view it and maybe have a chuckle or two while you're at it.

I was packing my stuff for Ukraine and I could not find my travel shirt. This shirt is VERY important as it is pretty much a free pass through customs in Ukraine, speeds up airport security, and helps you find the group in a crowded foreign airport. I thought I had put it in the bags with all my other Ukraine travel gear but as I found out, I did not. I knew it was in my storage locker somewhere but as you will see in the video the locker is a bit full and unorganized. Did I find the shirt? You will have to watch to find out.

First YouTube video

I got my digital camera today. I did a brief video diary. I hope this works. I think you can click on the title of the post to view the video.

Another chapter was finished today

No, I'm not talking about the new Harry Potter book (I've never read a single page of any of the books). Today was my last day at my full-time job. At times I wondered what the heck I was doing by quiting my job but things keep happening which remind me of why I was not happy there anymore. My heart was not there and has not been since last fall/winter. It's like it needed to be free but it took someone else to give me a kick in the pants to get me to finally do it. Today several people asked me if I was sad or if I would miss working there. The truth is no, I really won't miss it. I need to be somewhere else. How can you be happy when you know that?



I don't have anything lined up for a job yet, and oddly enough I am totally at peace about it all.

Time is moving so fast

WOW, July 13th is almost over!! It's hard to believe July is almost half over. I leave for Ukraine in 1.5 weeks. I'm so much more calm and relaxed about the trip this year. I have not started packing yet and I'm not sure where my travel shirt is. I know it's somewhere in the storage locker, I'm pretty sure it's in one of my giant duffel bags. While moving so suddenly a few weeks ago I did have enough sense to put all my Ukraine stuff in the bags and put the bags in an easily accessible spot in the storage locker. I need to go get them this weekend as I am getting more stuff on Thursday from Pastor Dave to pack. With such a small group going this year we are really going to be pushing it on the airlines weight limit. I think I'll end up with a lot of stuff in my carry on. Thankfully the airlines let you have a purse/briefcase in addition to a regular carry on bag. I really wanted to bring over a giant thing of bubbles this year, something they really don't have much of. But thanks to the liquid restrictions for carry ons I won't be able to bring them. Oh, I just remembered, there are these bubble wands with the soap already on them all you have to do is dip them in water. I'll have to see if I can find them.

Why the name "Goddess on Wheels"?

The name "Goddess on Wheels" came to me via a card I received from my friend and spiritual teacher, Hope. The card said "May you always Remember who you ARE! A Goddess on wheels!"

The card was written before I made my decision what I want to do after I leave my job on the 20th of this month and come back from Ukraine August 7th. The card came along with 19 others from the Hope Interfaith Center (HIC). At each monthly spiritual study the attendees write cards to the three people whose names are written on the white board. At the study last week I was one of those three people listed on the board. As people filter in for the study Hope tells them about the people listed and what situation they are in. As of last Tuesday I only had fleeting ideas here and there of what I wanted to do with my life come August. During the study an idea came to me; drive around the US for a year seeking out spiritual communities and come back to Mankato next fall to start the leadership class at HIC. I plan on working with temp agencies in various cities. I am starting off in Omaha, Nebraska. Why Omaha? I'm not quite sure, it just came to me. I'll decided where to go next when I get to Omaha. My initial plan is to head out West and make a huge loop around the US, ending back in Mankato next Fall.

Yes, I am going to keep up this blog during the journey. I plan on taking pictures and posting some videos on youtube.

Why the dragonfly?

While on a retreat at my friend Mel's house we drew animal medicine cards. I had drawn these before but none have ever resonated with me quite like the dragonfly. The following description of the symbolism of the dragonfly is from http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/dragonfly.htm.

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Illusion, the Power of Light
Dragonfly is the power of light. The dragonfly inhabits two realms: air and water and the influence of both these elements will be felt by Dragonfly people. They will be emotional and passionate during their early years (the influence of water) and more balanced with greater mental clarity and control in as they mature (the influence of air).

Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment; and the communication from the elemental world. Dragonfly medicine beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which need changing. Call on Dragonfly to guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation. The number 2 is important to Dragonfly, so think in terms of two year periods when you begin a change. Dragonfly brings the light and color of transformation into your life.